cynosure

I’ve been struggling with my self-esteem and confidence lately. I often hear this critical voice that does not allow me to be myself. I feel very cautious and tense when I am around people because something is holding me back from shining and expressing my true self. My relationships with people do not feel as strong because something is holding me back from growing with them.

This summer I want to dedicate it to truly understanding my self-worth, and not being afraid of myself. I want to allow myself to be silly, to laugh crazily, to be spontaneous, to joke around, and to shine my light without being afraid at the right times.

So, what can I practice to gain the confidence or courage to feel comfortable and gentle being myself, as well as finding the balance between constructive and destructive self-criticism?

Be open and honest with yourself

You have to first be open and honest with yourself before you can be open with others (and only by being open with others can you grow in those relationships, like you said). Slowly and gently bring to attention things you might have tried to reject before about yourself. Feel the courage to face them, and realize they are a part of you, too, even if you might not like those parts– you have to learn to love them.

Learn to love all parts of yourself

Of course, becoming happier, allowing yourself to grow– none of it comes as a cake walk. The reality is there might be some parts of yourself you won’t necessarily like. I used to hate myself– that I binged, that I avoided anything social, that I felt awkward, unattractive, and oftentimes clingy. But as I learned to love myself more, I realized that in loving yourself… you can’t only love the good parts, just like in any relationship you have with anyone (and the relationship you have with yourself is the MOST important one you’ll ever have– it’ll last a lifetime, after all!). You HAVE to learn to love the parts you want to change or just plain dislike.

Why? Because they’re a part of you! Even if you don’t like a certain trait of your own, realize that without it, you wouldn’t be the beautiful, multifaceted, and awesome person you are! (Besides, people who have no faults are absolutely dull and make for boring friends and an unexciting marriage.) People don’t want to see a polished, superperfected version of you– they want to see the REAL you. Who likes fakeness, after all?

Be content with what you want to improve

Recognize that there might be things about yourself you want to change. Instead of feeling bad about them or being self-destructive about it, actually brainstorm ways or goals so that you can improve! If it’s something you don’t think you can change or don’t want to change (an annoying trait of mine, stubbornness, works well with going for– and getting– what I want sometimes! see, every character trait is a double-edged sword… even the best ones might be a disadvantage sometimes!) then be kind to yourself and accept it, or catch yourself when it’s affecting your life and try to change it a little. Try to improve just a little at a time on the areas of yourself you feel need the most change. Forcing yourself to change suddenly and extremely will probably lead to self-sabotage and bouncing back to where you were before!

And always remember your best traits as well! Focus on what makes you shine, and be positive about your personality. A wise old man once told me when I was younger and didn’t really understand this: “True confidence is knowing you aren’t the worst and you aren’t the best, but you are what you are.” Don’t compare yourself to others… it’s like comparing cats and dogs. No one is better or worse than the next person. We’re all just different, and we must love and cherish those differences instead of seeking to be something or someone else. Difference and change make life so interesting!

All in all, as you accept all parts of yourself, you must then learn to love them, too. Who can possibly be there for you and love you for as long as you live other than yourself? Even if you THINK you’re such and such, that’s just a thought, and YOU have the power to change that thought and make it into something positive and constructive! You CAN be content and happy with yourself no matter what. You might feel that you still want to work on some areas of your life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t love yourself for who you are always regardless of what you think you need to improve!

I used to be the opposite of confident

I wasn’t always confident– in fact, the exact opposite. Only through making many changes over the course of my lifetime (or, well, truthfully the last year or so is when I really started to learn to change) have I gotten where I am, and I still have things I want to change! For instance, becoming more patient, hardworking, open, and rising above my fears. The difference between how I treat these things now and in the past is that I used to just sit around lamenting that I had things to work on, hate myself when I couldn’t improve and magically become the person I want to be, and let the negativity or sadness I felt about it overpower my hope and ability to change. Now, I make constructive goals, focus on the positive (“become more hardworking” rather than “stop being such a lazy ass!”), and refuse to beat myself up when I have trouble. If I continue to do something I rationally don’t want to do, I recognize it, accept it, learn from it, and move on.

Taking risks and opening up can be scary, but exhilarating once you actually do it. When you just start, you’ll realize you were perfect in your own way all along. And this type of perfect isn’t manufactured or mundane.

It’s your very own brand of awesome.

And that’s the best kind you can ever have.

I love getting letters from you! (Hint, hint– send me one!) Feel free to tell me what you want to read about or if you’re dealing with something– I’m more than happy to help.

—

If you like this post, please link, bookmark, tweet, and share it! Thank you ♥

For more goodness, get updates through RSS and follow me on Twitter.

(Click to see a larger version!)

I happened upon this little notebook in Shanghai one day, and I have to say it was lucky… I’m glad I can have this and carry it around with me, even if most of the time I’ve taken it for granted that the message’s there.

Promise
yourself to be strong that
nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true
Think only of the best
Work only for the best and expect
only the best. Forget the mistakes of
the past and press on the greater
achievements of the future

Speaking of which… another reminder to myself, from February 10th, 2009…

Life is hard. Life is so, so hard sometimes.

You can be on the edge of dying. Not dying physically, necessarily, but in spirit. You could be simply losing your will to live. Your will to stay alive one more second. Your will to wake up. And be conscious when the world keeps on going, when time passes.

Life can be so hard it tears you apart. It makes you fall apart. It rips you up.

But that’s why you keep putting one foot in front of each other. That’s why you learn to get up, even when both your legs are broken or missing or gone and you just. don’t. want. to. go. any. further.

It’s okay to want to give up. And it’s okay to feel like giving up. It’s okay to realize that, whatever you’re doing at this moment that’s making you feel such despair, maybe it’s just not what you need right now. And it’s okay to admit that.

Whatever you feel.. whether it be weak, or simply too tired… it’s okay.

But you ARE enough. And you will ALWAYS be enough. And even if you feel disappointed in yourself.. it’s past. Right now is right now. You can recreate your life starting this very moment.

Remember what she said? Remember what she told you?

No matter what.

Yet, you live on.

Despite anything.

You don’t just stop living.

So don’t hide. Don’t hide from the world. Don’t run away from consciousness.

When you don’t know if you’re about to fall apart or not.. let yourself unravel. Fall for as long as you need to. If you don’t let it pour from your heart, you’ll never be able to let it go.

People can say a million things. Other people can believe in you so much. But it doesn’t matter if you don’t even do so yourself.

If you don’t believe in yourself, you cease to exist. To yourself and to the world. You can’t think you exist, you can’t think you’re living, if you don’t believe.

So believe. And dare. Dare to do something different today. Dare to love yourself. Dare to run outside, no matter the weather, and realize: I’m alive.

Dare to say, I deserve to take care of myself.

And do so accordingly.

*

Funny thing, this part–
Remember what she said? Remember what she told you?
No matter what.
Yet, you live on.
Who is she, you wonder?

Me again… aha.

And what she– er, I– meant was…

No matter what happens, wonderful, terrible… Yet… we live on. We still continue living. Our lives keep on going, keep on moving whether we like it or not. So might as well hitch a ride and relish in the new journey, painful or pleasant.

Keep on loving. Keep on living. Because regardless of whatever happened in the past, life is still happening. You can’t avoid it, but you can choose to press on.

I’m here for you.

—

For more goodness, get updates through RSS and follow me on Twitter.

Once upon a time, I didn’t really like poetry.

I didn’t “get” it. I wrote poems ever since I was a wee lass susceptible enough to pay $100 to have a one-paragraph biography of myself published in a poetry anthology scam (ahem) when I supposedly “won” and got to be published (the poem was about a garden… it was rich, and I still remember it– ridiculous to me now, maybe, but probably perfectly great to a 9-year-old)… but I still didn’t “get” poetry.

Even when I was taught to be able to “analyze poetry at a college level” in my last year of high school.. I still felt like a 5-year-old. I would read a poem, like the melody of the words maybe, and still not understand it. What was all the fuss?

But one day, I happened to fall into these poems (okay, I fell into them on three different days… but no matter) and suddenly, poetry started to make a little bit more sense. More importantly, life started to make more sense.

So whether you love it or hate it (poetry, or life, or both, you know…) give these three a try.

Or if anything, read the last one. Though I love all three for various reasons, the last one has a special place in my heart

—

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun’s birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginably You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

e.e. cummings

—

222. Who Learns My Lesson Complete?

Who learns my lesson complete?
Boss, journeyman, apprentice—churchman and atheist,
The stupid and the wise thinker—parents and offspring—merchant, clerk, porter and customer,
Editor, author, artist, and schoolboy—Draw nigh and commence;
It is no lesson—it lets down the bars to a good lesson,
And that to another, and every one to another still.

The great laws take and effuse without argument;
I am of the same style, for I am their friend,
I love them quits and quits—I do not halt, and make salaams.

I lie abstracted, and hear beautiful tales of things, and the reasons of things;
They are so beautiful, I nudge myself to listen.

I cannot say to any person what I hear—I cannot say it to myself—it is very wonderful.

It is no small matter, this round and delicious globe, moving so exactly in its orbit forever and ever, without one jolt, or the untruth of a single second;
I do not think it was made in six days, nor in ten thousand years, nor ten billions of years,
Nor plann’d and built one thing after another, as an architect plans and builds a house.

I do not think seventy years is the time of a man or woman,
Nor that seventy millions of years is the time of a man or woman,
Nor that years will ever stop the existence of me, or any one else.

Is it wonderful that I should be immortal? as every one is immortal;
I know it is wonderful, but my eyesight is equally wonderful, and how I was conceived in my mother’s womb is equally wonderful;
And pass’d from a babe, in the creeping trance of a couple of summers and winters, to articulate and walk—All this is equally wonderful.

And that my Soul embraces you this hour, and we affect each other without ever seeing each other, and never perhaps to see each other, is every bit as wonderful.

And that I can think such thoughts as these, is just as wonderful;
And that I can remind you, and you think them, and know them to be true, is just as wonderful.

And that the moon spins round the earth, and on with the earth, is equally wonderful,
And that they balance themselves with the sun and stars, is equally wonderful.

Walt Whitman from Leaves of Grass

—

Do You Have Any Advice For Those of Us Just Starting Out?

Give up sitting dutifully at your desk. Leave
your house or apartment. Go out into the world.

It’s all right to carry a notebook but a cheap
one is best, with pages the color of weak tea
and on the front a kitten or a space ship.

Avoid any enclosed space where more than
three people are wearing turtlenecks. Beware
any snow-covered chalet with deer tracks
across the muffled tennis courts.

Not surprisingly, libraries are a good place to write.
And the perfect place in a library is near an aisle
where a child a year or two old is playing as his
mother browses the ranks of the dead.

Often he will pull books from the bottom shelf.
The title, the author’s name, the brooding photo
on the flap mean nothing. Red book on black, gray
book on brown, he builds a tower. And the higher
it gets, the wider he grins.

You who asked for advice, listen: When the tower
falls, be like that child. Laugh so loud everybody
in the world frowns and says, “Shhhh.”

Then start again.

Ron Koertge

—

For more uplifting goodness, check out the Hang in There, Never Give Up, Keep Pressing On kit.

If you like this post, please link, bookmark, tweet, and share it! Thank you ♥

And last but not least, get updates through RSS and follow me on Twitter.

To be honest, when I meant to repost the longer poems, quotes, etc. for the Hang in There, Never Give Up, Keep Pressing On kit, I was just going to lump them all into one post…

Until I started rereading them, one by one, and realized they each deserve their own space. For inspiration, wisdom, humor, and everything in between. Life.

—

Simple Instructions for Life by the Dalai Lama

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:

   Respect for self
   Respect for others and
   Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

—

If you like this post, please link, bookmark, tweet, and share it! Thank you ♥

For more goodness, get updates through RSS and follow me on Twitter.

Note: I originally wrote/compiled this Hang in There/Never Give Up/Keep Pressing On/Stitching Back Together a Broken Heart kit– a collection of inspiring, uplifting, and motivating quotes, poems, songs, etc.– in September 2008 after moving to San Diego for the first time… and to be blunt, I was beyond miserable for every throbbing painful minute of the first six months. Since then, whenever I’m having a hard time, I look back here and grasp onto what I have left, knowing I literally can’t give up.

I hope this kit brings you solace and light in your own times of need.

(Note: Some links might be broken, I’ll be working to find new ones/repost content from my old journal so it all links up. Never fear!

Youtube links are all fixed.. now just have to repost lyrics/poetry!)

—

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

“We will all come to the point in our life where we have to admit that we feel defeated, that something has conquered us. We must change, not because we want to, but because we desperately have to. We can not take life in its current suffocating state, even to admit such desperation shows that we are feeling deserted, wandering the barren desert, a shell of our former selves. It is only up from here, it is impossible to sink any lower into ourselves or our circumstances. But we can be salvaged, a deliverance. No vice can stand, no fix can take. The thorn in the side can be removed, but you have to be willing to admit and surrender. Surrender your habits, your lifestyle, your past, your present, and your future. This is your new surrender. The new surrender.”

-S. Christian

“Hope never goes out of style.”
-Nami♥

*

This is my personal toolbox, kit, whatever you’d like to call it, for “hanging in there”. Hopefully I don’t forget about this post, thus defeating the purpose.. but if you’re in need of some hope or good cheer or just something to keep you going.. hopefully this will help.

First, my favorite prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom always to know the difference.

*

“What is to give light must endure burning.”
-Viktor Frankl

Affirmations: Great to just affirm yourself of your own self-worth– whether you’re battling an addiction or just having a rough time.

*

“It is the Law that any difficulties that can come to you at any time, no matter what they are, must be exactly what you need most at the moment, to enable you to take the next step forward by overcoming them. The only real misfortune, the only real tragedy, comes when we suffer without learning the lesson.”
-Emmet Fox

Song Rec: Simon by Lifehouse (just the song and lyrics, not an MV)
You’re alright, you’re alright, you’re alright…

*

Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen (HIGHLY recommended for anyone to watch!)
Brother and sister together we’ll make it through,
Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you’re hurting but I’ve been waiting to be there for you
and I’ll be there just helping you out whenever I can…

“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.”
-Ramona L. Anderson

“I remembered reading about people who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. One of them who survived said: I realized in the seconds after I jumped off the bridge that everything in my life I thought was unworkable was really workable– except for the fact that I’d just jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.”
-Geneen Roth

*

Some lists of to-do’s or instructions for life… and some reminders to keep on going.

Simple Instructions for Life by the Dalai Lama

“Do not fear death… only the unlived life.
You don’t have to live forever.
You just have to live.”
-Tuck Everlasting

Write a Time-Traveling Reminder to your Future Self

Promise Yourself to Be Strong

*

Read some uplifting poetry on life to brighten your day!

No, seriously.

DO IT! You won’t regret it

*

Videos that are just simply funny, and thus cheer me up. Maybe they will have the same positive effect on you?

Korean History Channel and Korean History Channel: Cultural Affairs: I love these. JAPANESE DINOSAUR NEVER SAY SORRY!!!

Hi, I’m a Marvel…and I’m a DC: Iron Man and Batman #4: Poking fun regarding The Dark Knight.

*

And the original idea behind this post entirely was because I heard “The Unwinding Cable Car” and wanted to make a mix for just “not giving up”.

When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”

o1. You Are Loved (Don’t Give Up) – Josh Groban (not an MV, just listen to the song! the actual MV is touching though)

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
When your heart’s heavy I
I will lift it for you

Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I
I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you

Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up

Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside I
I’ll be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I
I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you

Everybody needs to be loved
Don’t give up

Because…you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world

Don’t give up
Everyone needs to be loved

You are loved

o2. Broken – Lifehouse

o3. Don’t Give Up – The Whitest Boy Alive

Give me a reason to stay constantly ignored
Give me an angle that I haven’t tried before
A guarantee for being honestly compared
You want to live when life is achingly unfair

Don’t make a move you’ll look ridiculous again
You share no interest but it’s easy to pretend
Don’t start the action it will turn against you soon
No one is going to follow and you’ll stand there like a fool

You left the people when the people left you out
Back in the suburbs you’re craving for the crowd
Only minded now with defeats of yesterday
The mantra spinning in your head will keep it raised

Give me a reason to stay constantly ignored.
(I don’t think I can)

Give me an angle that I haven’t tried before.
(Not from where I stand)

A guarantee for being honestly compared
(Could not be found)

You want to live when life is achingly unfair
(Stick around)

Don’t give up
Don’t give up
Don’t give up

o4. Learning to Breathe – Switchfoot (No MV, but the video has lyrics!)

Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I’m learning to breathe
I’m learning to crawl
I’m finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I’m living again, awake and alive
I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how ya been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never thought I could fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I’m learning to breathe
I’m learning to crawl
I’m finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I’m living again, awake and alive
I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
That I say I love You
This is the way
That I say I’m Yours
This is the way
This is the way

o5. The Unwinding Cable Car – Anberlin (lyrics?)

o6. Si Nian Shi Yi Zhong Bing (Longing is a Kind of Disease) – Zhang Zhen Yue (Will post lyrics translation soon. lyrics translation?)

o7. Yu Zhi Xing Fu (Anticipating Happiness) – Guan Wei Jia (lyrics translation & most-likely-expired download link?)

o8. Don’t Give Up – Ceng Guo Hui

o9. Feng Er Dai Zhe Wo Men Piao (The Wind Takes Us Floating Along) – Peng Tan (This is a favorite of mine. It used to sound depressing to me, despite the carefree lyrics, but now I experience it for what it is. I also wasn’t aware of the video until searching for it, and it’s pretty awesome too!)

*

EDIT 112108.

I can’t believe I forgot one of the happiest songs ever!

Mei Li Xin Shi Jie (Beautiful New World) – S.H.E

Translation forthcoming, I love this song!

And a neon sign for hope?

EDIT 121408.

Some more happy songs!

A Praise Chorus – Jimmy Eat World

Today Will Be Better, I Swear! – Stars

EDIT 021509.

I randomly remembered my favorite happy song from childhood. I still love it and the video (and Celine!).

That’s the Way It Is – Celine Dion

*

EDIT 052809.

A melancholy-sounding but ultimately uplifting song about not giving up. Everything will be fine. Details in the Fabric – Jason Mraz feat. James Morrison

And also, the beginning lyrics of Eminem’s Till I Collapse, which are also quite darn inspiring:

Sometimes you just feel tired.
You feel weak.
And when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, gotta find that inner strength and just pull that shit out of you, and get that motivation to
not give up, and not be a quitter,
no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

*

EDIT 062909.

How did I not include this before? A favorite quote from Zidane from Final Fantasy IX…

And through our memories, future generations will see that we can overcome any fear! …We can’t give up now. …We have to fight together. Even if we lose, it doesn’t matter… Our memories will live on inside others. So, even if we are born to die, I’m not afraid.

I’m gonna live!

EDIT 063009.

Of course.. Defying Gravity (by Kerry Ellis) from Wicked!

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down!

I’m through accepting limits
‘Cuz someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I’d sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
“Ev’ryone deserves the chance to fly!”
And if I’m flying solo
At least I’m flying free
To those who’d ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I’m flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I’ll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

*

I might update this post periodically. Until then, I hope you enjoy.

Keep your chin up, and NEVER give up on yourself. ♥

—

If you like this post, please link, bookmark, tweet, and share it! Thank you ♥

For more goodness, get updates through RSS and follow me on Twitter.