cynosure

EDIT: You can now Pre-Order Pleiades Today!

Exciting news! In just two days…

July 1st, Pleiades pre-orders go on sale!

The actual books will be sent out with love & care on August 16th. Delivery times may vary– be patient with your local mail carrier

What do I get for pre-ordering?

If you’re one of the lucky first 25 people to pre-order, you’ll get three free 4×6 photography prints of your choice, a personalized, special letter written especially for you, and entry into a giveaway for a limited edition 16×20 matte print (worth $99 & one of only 10 ever printed!).

If you’re one of the next 75 to pre-order, you’ll get one free 4×6 photography print and entry into the aforementioned limited edition 16×20 print giveaway!

And anyone who pre-orders within the first month gets lots of love from me… and maybe even another chance at a giveaway!

But I’m sure you’re all wondering…

What exactly is Pleiades, anyway?

Pleiades is 94 pages of prose & poetry written by yours truly from 2004 to 2009.

But more than anything, Pleiades is my heart bound in paperback. An unfulfilled wish for many years, finally brought to fruition in one black & white 7.5×7.5″ square anthology.

What kind of prose and poetry will you find in this volume, you ask?

These are the only three words I can muster that might give you an idea: stories about love.

(Sounds potentially sappy, doesn’t it?)

I can give you a slew of adjectives to describe what kind of stories or what kind of love, but I’d rather let you read an entire story from the book to give you an idea.

Never before released to the general public… I am happy to present to you garden, from the coming-very-soon-to-your-doorstep anthology, Pleiades:

click here to see more »

Happiness belongs to the self-sufficient.
Aristotle

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.
Ramona L. Anderson

If you don’t like someone, or if someone betrays you, you can walk away. You can stop being his/her friend.

But if you don’t even love yourself, you have nowhere to go.

This inescapable truth came crashing down on me when, for the first six months after I’d first moved 500 miles away to Southern California, I was absolutely miserable. I had no close friends, no family, no one to depend on. I felt like nobody cared about me, and that if I simply disappeared, nobody would even notice. When I woke up in the morning, I’d start crying before I even opened my eyes because I felt so alone. If only I had just one great friend that would be there for me, I’d be okay, I thought.

And then I realized I had to be that friend for myself.

And that’s when I started changing myself, little by little (and read a book or two that helped me along the way– look out for a post soon on a few of the books most influential to my happiness and self-development!)– and amazingly, I went from self-hating, depressed for as long as I could remember, self-destructive, insecure, and almost always sad to unconditionally self-loving and happy. (Of course, it took a LOT of effort, but I got there, and I’m still learning to love myself even more every day!)

And that very transformation is why this site even exists… to be there with you as you travel along this path of happiness and self-love.

The love of your friends and family is irreplaceable and valuable, but when you find yourself without that support, what will you do? Just give up? Or realize by taking care of yourself and loving yourself, you can be happy (and have the confidence to make new friends!) even if you’re alone?

And if you want to be in a successful and loving relationship… how can you expect your partner to love you at all, if even you find yourself unlovable?

Do you really need any more reasons to love yourself more, starting right now?

1. Let yourself be completely alone.

• Feel what it’s like to be truly alone with yourself.
• Resist the urge to escape and find company, to leave yourself.
• Stay with yourself in the present, and be curious with yourself. Notice how the air feels against your skin. Try to feel the presence of your body. You are alive. Isn’t it amazing?
• Forgive yourself for anything you’ve blamed yourself for in the past, and feel free without the burden of what no longer exists (the past). Tell yourself that you forgive yourself.
• Breathe. Slowly. Listen to your breath. Let it go, and with it, any negative feelings.
• Whisper to yourself, “I am awesome. I am beautiful. I love myself.” Or scream it from the rooftops. That works, too.
• Don’t just be accepting; be open and unconditionally loving towards yourself.
• Love your faults (click here for constructive ways to address them) and honor your strengths.
• Get to know yourself. Journal or draw about yourself, what makes you happy, and what makes you so great, so spectacular. Pay attention to yourself.
• Trust yourself. Who else can you trust better than yourself? You’re the only one who will always be there for you. You’re the only one you’ll always have. If it’s difficult, take time every day to trust yourself a little bit more.
• Keep a positive attitude, look on the bright side, and think positively. When you feel yourself thinking negatively, don’t try to push it away forcefully; just be aware, and let it come and go. Focus on the positive aspect of situations.
• Smile. Smile at your reflection and say hello. Smile at the world.

2. Make a list of what you would do for the person you love most, and then do those things for yourself. Alone.

• Take yourself on a date. Go to the amusement park, go to a museum, and treat yourself as the loveliest, best date you’ve ever had.
• Treat yourself to a lovely meal. Go out alone to eat at a restaurant you’ve always wanted to try. Cook yourself a feast. Eat exactly what you want to eat, no matter how expensive it is (save up for this treat if you want). Be present for the meal. Chew slowly and enjoy every bit of the treat for yourself.
• Go to the movie theater and watch a movie (in a genre that you love) by yourself. Yes, by yourself. (I did this for the premiere of Ghost Town and it was awesome being able to laugh and cry as much as I wanted!)
• Take a long walk with yourself. Go to the park and look at all the creatures that live together in harmony. They don’t reject you or expect anything out of you. Or if you don’t like nature, take a stroll around the city alone, enjoying the sights and sounds.
• Give yourself a beautiful present. Spend time making it special. You deserve it. (This is not an excuse to ignore your problems with retail therapy or by buying stuff. Create something spectacular and unique for yourself. On the other hand, if you never buy yourself anything, allow yourself to actually buy something you want for once.)
• Write yourself a letter on beautiful stationery. Tell yourself why you love yourself, why you’re great. Keep the letter for times good and bad.

3. Take care of yourself– your body and your health.

• Your body is a temple. Treat it like one. Evaluate what you choose to put into your temple. Does the food you eat nourish you, or does it make you feel like utter crap, like you have to have caffeine every 3 hours (or seconds)?
• Don’t make your eating decisions based on what any diet book, magazine, or uninformed individual tells you. Choose foods that YOU love that make YOU feel good and give you the energy to have a great day. If this requires you to stop eating overprocessed junk food and start eating real, whole foods, so be it. Your body won’t just thank you later– your body will start thanking you right now.
• At the same time, eat your cake, too– never deprive yourself. Simply consider making a dessert yourself instead of getting it from a fast food restaurant (or even many grocery stores– they usually have lists of artificial ingredients a mile long!). Make your own snacks.
• Allow yourself to feel the parts of your body that you’ve rejected in the past. Touch them with love and tenderness and gentleness. Tell each of them how much you love them. For instance, if it’s your legs, say, “Thank you for even existing, so that I may walk and run and dance and travel and experience the world.”
• Cancel subscriptions to magazines that make you feel like you are not good enough. Take the existing ones you own and spend a day tearing them apart if you’d like, and then recycling them. Throw out your diet books… into the recycling bin.
• Get enough sleep. Turn off the computer or TV an hour before your bedtime, wind down, take a long bubble bath, and make sure you get enough rest so you’ll feel good throughout the next day.
• Find a way to move your body (aka the dreaded “e” word) that you LOVE! If you don’t like the gym, don’t go to the gym. (If you do like the gym, keep on going!) Go on walks with friends, play tennis or basketball or any other sport with your family, go jogging with your dog!
• Be conscious and aware… if you have any self-destructive behaviors (drinking/eating/smoking/etc. too much), don’t beat yourself up about them, but realize that you are making a choice to do something that might lead you to feel bad (physically or otherwise), and that you deserve much, much better than that.

4. Make YOU a priority.

• Relax. Get a massage, go to the spa, take a bath. Spend at least one day (preferably per week) doing only what YOU want to do– no work, no thinking about what other people want you to do for them. Read a book or watch a movie.
• Or simply, do nothing. Just sit or lie down. Zone out. Give yourself time and space not to have to do anything, even if it’s just five minutes.
• Say some affirmations every day, if you want.
• Respect yourself. Only settle for the absolute best, because that’s the bare minimum you deserve. Accept nothing less.
• Refuse to allow anyone to treat you in any way that you wouldn’t treat your closest friend.
• If you need to, cut people out of your life (or wean them off slowly) if they are anything less than respectful or loving towards you– even if you can’t imagine life without them because you’ve been friends for so long, or even if they’re family (if you can’t imagine doing that in the case of family, then only communicate when absolutely necessary). You are worth SO MUCH MORE than that.
• Learn to say NO. Stand up for yourself. Don’t let anyone take advantage of you– you are strong and powerful, and YOU control YOUR life. Don’t do anything someone else wants you to do just because they say you should. Don’t let others guilt you, either– refuse to put up with their crap.
• Be kind to yourself when you falter. Love the fact that you aren’t perfect. It makes you (and your life) more interesting, after all! Forgive yourself.
• Be kind to others. It’ll make YOU feel good, too!
• Do what YOU love. If you don’t know what makes your heart flutter and your soul smile, take time for yourself to find out. Make it a priority for yourself to have time to do this activity and make yourself happy.
• Write notes to yourself filled with self-love and inspiration, and post them in random places. Post them in places you always see– on your desk, on your front door, on the bathroom mirror, on the fridge– and even in places that’ll surprise you later on when you find them again.
• You are a being filled to the brim with love and beauty, and you were born to love yourself. Act accordingly.

5. Stop waiting to love yourself.

“I’ll start trying to like myself when I… get a new job, eat like a rabbit, look like a plastic mannequin, find the perfect partner to love me so I won’t have to love myself…”

No.

Love yourself NOW.

The only time you have to be alive and THRIVING is RIGHT NOW.

And you’re wasting your time if you’re waiting for any moment in the future, because chances are you might not even get to that moment if you don’t LOVE YOURSELF NOW.

P.S. This post has been a very long time coming; the ideas have been brewing in my mind for literally ages! It’s a culmination of a little bit of everything I’ve wanted to write about loving yourself, and there’s definitely more to come, though I tried packing as much as humanly possible into this post. You will get the best results if you do everything listed here, no matter how weird (or new) it might feel. Or uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is (usually) good. It means you’re getting somewhere.

Let it be known that I have done and/or still do everything on this list, so if you feel a little ridiculous doing some of them, worry naught for a fearless warrior has already paved the way! Keep on loving yourself and being wonderful! ♥

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Look at those tan lines and scars and the weird way my knees bend in (which always bothered me when I was younger because it “looked weird”, but now that I think about it, it’s kind of cool)!

A lot of people search for how to get rid of precious parts of their own beautiful bodies– their cellulite and their stretchmarks– and find my thighs, cellulite, and stretchmarks instead.

90 people have cellulite and/or stretchmarks on their thighs/legs or hips– and want to know how to get rid of it or hide it.

5 people love their cellulite/stretchmarks.
5 people want to know about loving cellulite or their thighs.
1 person loves women with cellulite.
3 people don’t care about cellulite.
3 people love their thighs and the cellulite on them.
2 people want to learn about accepting cellulite.
2 people love cellulite in general.

1 person says “I love my legs but hate my thighs due to cellulite.” (But your thighs are part of your legs, too. Unless you believe love is about picking and choosing.)
Another 3 people flat out hate their cellulite.

2 people “seem to have cellulite in photos”.

1 person is 6 people are looking for images of beautiful thighs.
1 person is 11 people are looking for beautiful pictures of cellulite or stretchmarks.
1 person is looking for photos of real women with cellulite.
1 person is 2 people are looking for pictures of “thighs and stretchmarks”.
1 person is looking for “real pictures of women with real fat thighs”.

1 person thinks cellulite is hot; another 2 people think cellulite is beautiful.

1 person is looking for a dress for a “fat tummy, broad shoulders, and fat thighs”. Another is looking for a dress for “scars on my shoulders and big legs”.
1 person says, “I fought cellulite.” How can you fight a part of yourself without hurting yourself? Another says “I have too much cellulite”.
1 person says, “I have inherited fat legs from my grandma.”
1 person is searching for “My daughter has cellulite on her belly.” (So?)

1 person asks: “How do I lose my love handles?” (Maybe by taking the first step and loving them for how they are, how you are.)
1 person asks: “Do guys mind excessive stretchmarks, cellulite, and a hairy stomach?” (I can say that I know at least a few guys that don’t!)
1 person wonders “if there’s something wrong with my heart if my thighs get big overnight.”

1 person wonders, “Am I beautiful with stretchmarks?” Yes. Yes you are.
Another person wonders, “Can my cellulite be beautiful?” Yes. Yes it can.

It’s pretty effing ironic that Cynosure is also the name of a cosmetic laser company specializing in liposuction, isn’t it? And here I chose the name because the word cynosure means:

1. An object that serves as a focal point of attention and admiration.
2. Something that serves to guide.

(Oh, and I like astrologically-themed titles, and cynosure is another name for the North Star.)

I’m not here to guide you away from hating yourself or being unhappy with your body or rejecting your woman(or man)hood in the form of all-natural (and beautiful, if you let it be) cellulite… if that’s what you want.

But if you do want me to, I’m here to guide you towards loving yourself, choosing happiness, cultivating confidence, personal growth, and realizing you are much, much more than your appearance, body, weight, size, grades, or whatever anyone else thinks of you… oh, and maybe loving others and our planet, too, along the way.

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I can show you the world… of self-love, conscious happiness, positive body image, and more! Don’t miss an update– get them through RSS and follow me on Twitter & Facebook.

 
Hello friends! Hope your June is swell

Happy Father’s Day!

I’m here & happy to report on my progress for Project: Summer 2010, my way of growing ridiculously more each and every day this summer (and maybe inspiring you, too, to grow more in whatever way works best for you)!

I have yet to really start tackling my reading goals (or interpersonal goals), but I won’t waste your time or mine trying to give excuses. I still have about 260 pages of Anna Karenina to go (out of 867 or so… ahh) and all 1488 pages of Les Miserables is looming over my head (so much for the 1100 pages I thought it was).

Anyway, here’s a chronicle of my journey so far…
 

Week 1:

• Wednesday: Walked downhill to the downtown library.. about 4 miles. Carried books along the way, leading my arms to be sore on…
• Thursday: Ran half the time up a hill, ran until I was tired and then jogged/walked up 8 flights of stairs, then did a few weights/squats while watching shows.
• Friday: Ran most of the way to a presentation in the morning, packed some stuff into the car, but oddly got a painful stomachache that dissuaded me from doing anything further.
• Saturday: Packed and moved, which involved 4 flights of stairs round-trip each time. Danced (with my arms!) for a bit during the car ride. After eating until I was quite full at dinner, I walked and jogged around the neighborhood.
• Sunday: Walked around entire two floors of a mall, shot hoops at the arcade (while standing… ohoho), walked around a park for a while.

Week 2:

• Monday: Walked up a moderate hilly road (about 3 miles) which actually wasn’t bad at all, ran up 3.5 flights of stairs and walked the remaining 4.5, ran through a parking lot.
• Tuesday: Rested because the day was really hot. Didn’t do much so I felt like I was in a funk and made some pretty unhealthy decisions.
• Wednesday: Jogged and walked on and off 2 miles, sprinting the last stretch.
• Thursday: Walked around Santa Monica (the Promenade and the Pier) for a while. Also knocked down another bullet from my 43things– “Go to the Santa Monica Pier.”
• Friday: Since it was hot, I had a good idea… run up and down the stairs (which I used to do at my brother’s house, but his stairs weren’t as tall as the ones where I was staying on Friday!). I ran up and walked down the stairs 43 times! I wanted to go for 50 (my initial goal was 10, then I was pushed to do 15, then I did 30 and went for 40!) but by then I needed energy.
• Saturday: I actually followed the plan of week 2 of Couch to 5k. And it was fun! And felt good. And was simpler than I thought. At first I was surprised at the intensity, but by the second to last jogging interval I felt it was natural! The last one was a little tough though.

Observations and Epiphanies:

• Running/any activity designed to foster more physical strength also forces you to stretch your mental muscles, especially when that little voice is just telling you you can stop now… but your heart says “Push on!” I’ve known this before but I’m really experiencing it now more so than ever.
• I’ve tread way too hard when I jog/run, so I’m working on being nicer to my knees and making lighter steps.
• Taking care of myself and doing an activity that is not only good for me but makes me feel great is way, way better than the groggy, sick, hangover-like feeling from binge eating. After a good walk or run, I’m not only happy with myself for accomplishing it, but my body feels better, too. And since I, in the past, wasn’t as hungry as often as I’d liked, by actually using my energy I get hungry enough to enjoy more energy– er, food, later on.

All in all, I’m getting excited to go for longer distances. Who knows, maybe by the end of this year I can do a half-marathon! Or at least a 10k.

Finally, the lovely Mara of Medicinal Marzipan bestowed this Happy 101 award upon me…

…and word on the street says I have to tell you 10 things that make me happy.

So here goes, in no particular order:

• steel-cut oatmeal with raisins, cinnamon, & granola
• mango sweet sticky rice (currently, anyway– I’m on a kick)
• hiking
• books
• making food
• big parks/wildlife reserves
• growing
• interesting people
• comfortable footwear
• honey

Haha, it seems my life revolves around good food… and other things. Anyway, the award now goes to…

• Positively Present
• Oh She Glows
• Inny Vinny
• LOLZHANG
• The Demoiselles

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I’ve been struggling with my self-esteem and confidence lately. I often hear this critical voice that does not allow me to be myself. I feel very cautious and tense when I am around people because something is holding me back from shining and expressing my true self. My relationships with people do not feel as strong because something is holding me back from growing with them.

This summer I want to dedicate it to truly understanding my self-worth, and not being afraid of myself. I want to allow myself to be silly, to laugh crazily, to be spontaneous, to joke around, and to shine my light without being afraid at the right times.

So, what can I practice to gain the confidence or courage to feel comfortable and gentle being myself, as well as finding the balance between constructive and destructive self-criticism?

Be open and honest with yourself

You have to first be open and honest with yourself before you can be open with others (and only by being open with others can you grow in those relationships, like you said). Slowly and gently bring to attention things you might have tried to reject before about yourself. Feel the courage to face them, and realize they are a part of you, too, even if you might not like those parts– you have to learn to love them.

Learn to love all parts of yourself

Of course, becoming happier, allowing yourself to grow– none of it comes as a cake walk. The reality is there might be some parts of yourself you won’t necessarily like. I used to hate myself– that I binged, that I avoided anything social, that I felt awkward, unattractive, and oftentimes clingy. But as I learned to love myself more, I realized that in loving yourself… you can’t only love the good parts, just like in any relationship you have with anyone (and the relationship you have with yourself is the MOST important one you’ll ever have– it’ll last a lifetime, after all!). You HAVE to learn to love the parts you want to change or just plain dislike.

Why? Because they’re a part of you! Even if you don’t like a certain trait of your own, realize that without it, you wouldn’t be the beautiful, multifaceted, and awesome person you are! (Besides, people who have no faults are absolutely dull and make for boring friends and an unexciting marriage.) People don’t want to see a polished, superperfected version of you– they want to see the REAL you. Who likes fakeness, after all?

Be content with what you want to improve

Recognize that there might be things about yourself you want to change. Instead of feeling bad about them or being self-destructive about it, actually brainstorm ways or goals so that you can improve! If it’s something you don’t think you can change or don’t want to change (an annoying trait of mine, stubbornness, works well with going for– and getting– what I want sometimes! see, every character trait is a double-edged sword… even the best ones might be a disadvantage sometimes!) then be kind to yourself and accept it, or catch yourself when it’s affecting your life and try to change it a little. Try to improve just a little at a time on the areas of yourself you feel need the most change. Forcing yourself to change suddenly and extremely will probably lead to self-sabotage and bouncing back to where you were before!

And always remember your best traits as well! Focus on what makes you shine, and be positive about your personality. A wise old man once told me when I was younger and didn’t really understand this: “True confidence is knowing you aren’t the worst and you aren’t the best, but you are what you are.” Don’t compare yourself to others… it’s like comparing cats and dogs. No one is better or worse than the next person. We’re all just different, and we must love and cherish those differences instead of seeking to be something or someone else. Difference and change make life so interesting!

All in all, as you accept all parts of yourself, you must then learn to love them, too. Who can possibly be there for you and love you for as long as you live other than yourself? Even if you THINK you’re such and such, that’s just a thought, and YOU have the power to change that thought and make it into something positive and constructive! You CAN be content and happy with yourself no matter what. You might feel that you still want to work on some areas of your life, but that doesn’t mean you can’t love yourself for who you are always regardless of what you think you need to improve!

I used to be the opposite of confident

I wasn’t always confident– in fact, the exact opposite. Only through making many changes over the course of my lifetime (or, well, truthfully the last year or so is when I really started to learn to change) have I gotten where I am, and I still have things I want to change! For instance, becoming more patient, hardworking, open, and rising above my fears. The difference between how I treat these things now and in the past is that I used to just sit around lamenting that I had things to work on, hate myself when I couldn’t improve and magically become the person I want to be, and let the negativity or sadness I felt about it overpower my hope and ability to change. Now, I make constructive goals, focus on the positive (“become more hardworking” rather than “stop being such a lazy ass!”), and refuse to beat myself up when I have trouble. If I continue to do something I rationally don’t want to do, I recognize it, accept it, learn from it, and move on.

Taking risks and opening up can be scary, but exhilarating once you actually do it. When you just start, you’ll realize you were perfect in your own way all along. And this type of perfect isn’t manufactured or mundane.

It’s your very own brand of awesome.

And that’s the best kind you can ever have.

I love getting letters from you! (Hint, hint– send me one!) Feel free to tell me what you want to read about or if you’re dealing with something– I’m more than happy to help.

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