cynosure

I never really noticed before, but revolution is strikingly close to resolution (I say this particularly because I meant to write the word “resolution” and accidentally spelled it with a v instead), and that’s what I’m going to do.

Revolt against crusty, moldy habits & resolve to truly live differently.

The thing is: Taking care of myself, ALL THE TIME, needs to start NOW. Not tomorrow. Not next year. NOW. Now is the only moment I have, and now is the only moment I can. Every moment is born anew… and I can start the rest of my life ANY TIME.

(This goes for you, too! Taking care of yourself needs to start NOW. Don’t wait. You’re worth more than that.)

Because even though I balk at unhealthy foods, I’ve still eaten them when I don’t even feel like eating at all. (I would have no problem with eating them if I actually wanted them!)

Because even though I love healthy, real food, I eat when I’m hungry, and stop when I’m full most of the time– when I feel out of sorts or simply lazy, I’ve found it easier to eat myself to nausea than make the simple choice to stop eating.

Because I need to stop treating myself like a compost bin by eating something simply because it’s going to go bad soon.

Because I deserve more than to make myself worse when I’m already stressed and tired by stuffing myself at 5 in the morning and feeling sick the next day. Because when I already don’t feel my best, taking care of myself becomes infinitely more important.

Because even choosing to binge mindfully is better than doing ANYTHING mindlessly.

In the first few months I started working through my issues with eating a couple years ago, I put much more effort in actually paying attention than I have been.. basically ever since. And the simple fact is, I became lazy about it. I slipped back into old, rancid habits– harmful and unhealthy ones, in fact– simply because it was “easier”.

But easier never fed anyone’s heart.

Starting right now, I resolve to give my full attention to EVERY delicious morsel I eat…

…for 31 days. (Seems like a reasonable length of time to superglue myself to a new habit. And then I’ll go for 62 days. And then 124. And then 248… and then for the rest of my life!)

I resolve to chew, and chew WELL. And actually taste what I’m eating.

I resolve to stay mindful, and CONSCIOUS of my actions, my choices, and what I’m doing. To be aware of when my body is satisfied. To have the courage to stop: to stop eating when I’m not hungry, to stop using food as my only way of dealing.

I resolve to continue to find healthier ways of dealing with my feelings than binging. To realize that, even if stuffing yourself with three days’ worth of food sucks most of the time, it serves an important role: a big sign that screams, “PAY ATTENTION! Something is not 100% in your heart, and you need to find out what that is instead of trying to suffocate your feelings and just making yourself feel worse!”

I resolve to give up the “all or nothing” attitude ONCE and for ALL. “Well, if I’m going to eat that, might as well eat the whole kitchen while I’m at it!”

I resolve to face the fact that I am always controlling my own actions, and I am the only one who will make the choices that lead to my own happiness.

And I resolved to tell you about it, so here I am!

No need to wish luck, I’ve got my own stubborn determination! Granted, I know the journey ahead won’t be all daisies and perfection, but as long as I do my best, REALLY do my best and not be lazy about it, I’m in control of how smooth that road will be.

No Excuses.

(Speaking of videos– you weren’t, were you?– I love Hot Chip’s new I Feel Better music video. By the by, that’s not the real band in the beginning.. they’re in the crowd, though. Cracks me up… and the male vocalist Alexis Taylor– played by Ross Lee in the video, who is my new crush– sounds like a girl. Not just in that song either. Non sequitur. Elephants!)

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tags: emotional eating

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 21st, 2010 at 04:21 and is filed under body image, food and eating, growing, loving yourself. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.